We're simple...I promise

Ladies, guys are simple. I promise. Actually, let me qualify that: heterosexual guys are simple. I only differentiate because I only know a handful of gay guys and despite the fact that they happen to agree with me on this post, I cannot intelligently speculate on the behalf of gay men across the world. So, if you're a lady and you're curious about your bloke, read on. Gay guys, let me know if I'm right.

When a guy says he wants space, that means he really wants space. He doesn't want you to clinch you feminine fists and bear down. He doesn't want you to apply your womanly guiles and make him stay. He doesn't need a daily phone call or a bunch of mascara-smearing tears. Those women who have applied any of the above, let me guess how it turned out.

The point is, guys often do need space. In any given situation we need time to figure out the ethical response, the masculine response, the enlightened-sensitive-guy response and the yes-I'm-in-a-relationship-but-I'm-not-whipped response. All of these play on and contrast with our sense of what we think we should do versus what our friends think we should do. And yes, even in our late-20s and early-30s, our friends still inform our decisions.

Guys need space. We need it to buy time for us to figure out women. We need it to determine if we still want to be with you. We need it to calm down and avoid blowing up or screaming cruel, hurtful, things we don't mean at you. Space means space. It doesn't mean phone calls and texts 20 minutes after the I-need-space talk. It means, I still love you but I need to be anywhere else on the planet other than with you right now.

At some point in time, someone coined the "If you really love something, set it free..." phrase. Whoever that was, they were a genius. Guys don't like being stifled. We don't appreciate coming off as whipped. Somewhere in our cromagnon sensibilities, we still want to feel like we're in control. We don't need to actually control things, we just need to feel as though we're near the top of the pecking order.

So seriously, women out there, back off. Give your guy a little space. We need to always feel like we determine our own destiny -- even if we don't. If you think I'm wrong, test it. Start dictating what your fella eats, when he comes home, when he sleeps and where he goes. See how long that lasts.

Guys are simple. We are infatuated with the idea of self-determination. We want to be in control of our own destiny. Somewhere deep inside, those guys who are married or on the way, realize that they're not in control, but they would love it if you'd play along.

If you disagree, I'd love to hear it. You know where to find me.